Control.

First of all, this will probably be a really short post because my laptop only has 13% battery left. I'm supposed to be in P.E., but the gym is closed for some fair or something, so I'm in the auditorium for study hall. Actually this might be a long post, someone just gave me a charger. I don't know why I'm blogging about charging a computer, but I am.

I feel that I've lost control over a lot of things. It feels like I can't control anything anymore. I hate that. It feels like other people are controlling everything I do. I barely even have control of my thoughts. I don't know what to think anymore. I want to help. I really do, but it feels like I can't. I'm scared to speak my mind because what if someone gets mad? What if people end up hating me because of the truth? I absolutely hate feeling like this because it feels like if I speak what I'm thinking, that's the only way I'll be able to let everyone know my thoughts. They'll hate me for it though. Can I risk that?

I don't even know what to write. All I want is for things to change. I want things to be better. Just when I think they are getting better, something extremely bad comes flying at me. It feels like I'm failing in everything right now. Algebra II, family, friends, and even myself.

I blog to let my feelings out. I never blog everything I think though. If I did that, everyone would probably classify me as "insane" and abandon me. I'm sick of worrying about a million different things all at one time. It feels like eventually it will all burst and I won't have any hope.

I just want to be ok.