Today's Thoughts

It always seems like I'm happier at school. When I go home, my day instantly turns upside down. I'm tired of the constant complaining. I can't get away from it. It's all I can hear, and it will never stop.
At school, I'm usually smiling. School is the only place where I can laugh. Of course there's an occasional idiot or something else that makes me mad, but for the most part, I'm happy. When I go home though, all I do is cry. I cry because I'm constantly reminded of this year. "Grandpa, Grandma, dementia, nursing home, death". Those words travel through my ears, stabbing me in my already weakened heart. Sometime it's going to explode like a volcano. The lava will never quit flowing. It will be over.
The sad thing is that no one cares. No one cares about how I feel. I'm there for everyone else when they are depressed, but I'm all alone. I've been alone this whole year. It's always been about someone else. Always about someone else and their feelings. I've been on and off depression medication, fainted so many times I can't count. I've had my blood taken 2 times, been to the doctor 3 times all in the last month. But they only think it effects them. They don't realize that I'm in the background knowing that all of this is happening. I know what people are doing, I'm not stupid. This is the real world though, and I can't escape it.