Alone.

I'm alone. My mom is taking my grandma to a psychiatrist. Today has actually been an alright day until now.

I usually like being alone. I can do whatever I want. But right now, it's not good for me to be alone because I am thinking about everything that has happened in the last year. I always hold back my tears when other people are around because one of the things I hate the most is crying in front of people. Right now the tears are streaming down my face though and it feels like there aren't enough tissues in the world to clean them all up.

Yesterday one of my great uncles died. What's really crazy is that his wife died about two hours before he did. Then my dad said that my grandma's sister had a stroke and is in the hospital.

Today marks exactly one year that I've been going through all of this. One terrible, miserable year. One year ago today, my dog died. His death is still extremely hard on me because I had him since I was 7. I'll never forget the phone call with my dad that day. I'll never forget trying to go through Wal-Mart without completely breaking down. A year ago today started the worst year of my life.

One year ago tomorrow, my grandpa died. I'm not completely over that either. I miss him so much. I miss making cookies with him and then putting frosting and sprinkles on them. I think of him every time I see a cookie. He may have not been my grandpa through blood, (actually my step-grandpa) but he was still my grandpa to me and I loved him. I still do, and I miss him so much.

I've been through so much in the last year. The deaths I just mentioned are only part of it.

All I can do is hope that everything gets better.
I can barely handle everything as it is, so I don't know what I'll do if it gets any worse.