Yes she is. But she's not the only one suffering. No one thinks about how it is to be living like I am. Their focus is always on someone else. No one thinks that the daughter/granddaughter/friend is going through all of it, if not more too. I am though. Probably even worse than they are. I feel like things will never get better. No one listens or even acknowledges my point of view and how things are effecting me. I'm in this battle by myself.
I just wish I could crush it all. Even to get rid of it for one day would be miraculous. I don't think I'll ever be able to escape it. I try to keep going, but it's extremely difficult when everywhere you go you hear the constant screaming.
You can't get away.
Sometimes I sit and think. What's going to happen to me if things keep going the way they are? Will I end up being a total mess? I already am on the inside, but what if all of this anger and sadness actually explodes someday for the whole world to see? Will someone finally understand?
I try to be there for other people. It's hard helping someone else though when you're broken.
I'm sick right now. Luckily I'm at my grandma's house. I can actually relax here without focusing on the pain. I'm understood here.
Tomorrow I have to go to a cardiologist to see if something with my heart is causing me to faint. I'm not going to lie, I'm extremely scared.
That's all for now.
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